About me

Introduction
My name is Esther Janssen, and on my journey to my dream job and calling as a Tantra masseuse, I have intensely confronted my deeply wounded soul and numerous traumas. Through this process, I have gained strong self-confidence, much greater self-love, and deep-rooted trust, and I now understand better how our brain functions and how our body reacts to such events. Additionally, I realized that healing trauma requires courageously facing our most vulnerable aspects. With this knowledge and these valuable experiences, I have had the privilege of being a loving and empathetic support for several hundred people on their path to healing over the past years.

I want to give you insight into my journey so you can see that my life experiences and my path to healing have become my expertise and my essence as a Tantra massage therapist. I feel called to contribute to the healing process, the unfolding of self-love, and the physical self-discovery of women, men, and couples.

Family Dynamics
I was born in the Netherlands, a country of freedom and opportunities for personal development. However, these external freedoms sharply contrasted with my family environment. I perceived my mother as a manic-depressive narcissist who showed me much emotional coldness and manipulated me. As a child, I experienced a great deal of psychological abuse. I was constantly bombarded with destructive messages and repeatedly drawn into conflicts and emotional games. This eventually drove my sensitive and empathetic father into the arms of another woman, and he left our family. His departure took away an essential emotional support for me, and since his new wife did not like my brother and me, my father decided not to see us anymore—perhaps to avoid further conflicts. But on that day, my heart broke into a thousand delicate pieces for the first time, and I felt the painful fragility of my own soul. It was as if each fragment exposed the essence of my vulnerable emotions.

Self-Responsibility
Due to these difficult family dynamics, I was forced into the role of an adult at an early age. Without stable parental support, I had to quickly learn to take care of myself and my brother. Added to this was the ongoing emotional manipulation by my mother, who always portrayed herself as the victim. In this role, I took on full responsibility and simultaneously became her psychologist and emotional dumping ground. While fulfilling this complex role for my mother, I also tried to emotionally support and uplift both her and my brother. After several years, I reached a point where I could no longer bear the burden.

The Path to Self-Discovery
One day, I saw an advertisement in a newspaper where a Dutch agency was looking for women to dance in a club in Tokyo. Just a week later, I flew to Japan. This marked the beginning of my career as a professional dancer, and my childhood dream of traveling the world came true. I lived and worked in 13 countries and traveled for seven years. I am deeply grateful for this time, as all these places, cultures, and languages profoundly expanded my horizons and instilled a deep sense of freedom in me. My life was one big party with many beautiful, fun, and crazy moments, and we dancers shared a wonderful bond. We often had deep and personal conversations since many of us came from broken families, and some stories were truly heartbreaking. But unfortunately, my life was shaped not only by these experiences—the nightlife industry also had its dark sides.

My Traumatic Experiences
I have endured many painful experiences: I was treated condescendingly, heavily insulted, sexually harassed, raped, threatened, beaten, and even received death threats from drunken and aggressive men. The most horrific experience of my life was undoubtedly escaping from Athens. Several women and I were held captive for days by an organized human trafficking group. By some miracle, my friend and I managed to escape from this desperate situation—we fled. We were incredibly lucky to regain our freedom.

My Journey Through Burnout as a Team Leader
A few years later, I found my way into a large fitness center, where I worked as a wellness masseuse, fitness, and personal trainer. After some time, I led the wellness department, investing much time and effort into expanding the team from five members with low bookings to fifteen with fully booked schedules. Unfortunately, one day I reached my limit—I could no longer sleep, was irritable, and had no energy left. Only when my doctor prescribed a two-week sick leave was I finally forced to take care of myself. During this time, I had an introductory Tantra massage course scheduled, which I had booked and paid for months earlier. So, I went, thinking it might aid my recovery. The experiences I had during this course were both painful and deeply enriching. During a yoni massage, suppressed memories of past assaults and rape surfaced. I cried and hyperventilated in front of an entire classroom full of people I had just met. I returned home ashamed and sad. Shortly afterward, I had my first appointment with my psychologist. We began working through my life story, and I was diagnosed with burnout and depression.

Four Years of Intensive Trauma Healing
Perhaps the most intense question my psychologist asked me was: Do you love yourself? I could not answer. I had no self-love and struggled to set boundaries. Due to my narcissistic upbringing, I had also experienced many toxic relationships and never learned self-love. My psychologist noticed that my mood became darker and more depressive as more of my trauma resurfaced—memories I had suppressed for so long. Thus, I began incorporating additional valuable therapies alongside our sessions. However, what helped me the most were the many Tantra massage courses exclusively for women. Here, the deeply buried trauma within my body finally began to heal.

Experiencing trauma and surviving traumatic situations is a unique process that helps one understand how the brain works and how the body reacts. To truly heal trauma, one must confront the deeply hidden and often painful parts of oneself. I spent four years intensely processing my painful traumas and my deeply wounded soul to heal. Through this journey, I gained strong self-confidence, self-love, and deep trust in life. Today, I live a peaceful life, have found my soul family, and have turned my calling into my profession.

I love giving Tantra massages—this mindful art of touch can be a clarifying, often reconciliatory way to build a new and beautiful connection with one’s body and oneself, igniting self-love. I gently guide you in rediscovering your body in a safe space and deepening your connection with yourself.